I am fighting a faceless person

I received a letter from my son today. My other son dropped it off at work for me. It was all I could do to keep from bawling. He is still so trusting and empathetic. It is a shame that he had to take after me. He believes everyone at face value and then gets hurt in the end. He makes excuses for people who have wronged him. It’s funny how I can see that more now. I can see it because it is part  of my own makeup.

I guess we try to hard to fit in and it is in interpreted the wrong way. We put on this façade that everything is alright when all we really want to do is cry.

I am tired of pretending. I am tired of coming to work and putting on my happy face. I am tired of  being misunderstood . I am tired of being the topic of conversation. I am tired of everyone worrying about what I am doing. I am tired of feeling emotionally abused. I just want to be left alone in my hidden sorrow.

For those who want to know what I am doing, here it is. I am fighting for my son’s life. Plain and simple. What am I doing?  I am fighting to keep my electricity on. What am I doing? I am fighting to keep food in my refrigerator. What am I doing?  I am fighting to continue to pay monthly attorney fees($750). It is a hard battle but it has to be done. It has to be done by me.

One day the unthinkable happened. My son’s vehicle was  repossessed. I couldn’t make the payments and I couldn’t imagine being without his car.

After it was taken, I called the finance company and begged them to give it back. They wanted $8000+ to pay it off. I could never do that. I begged, wrote letters and finally they agreed to allow me to have the car if I pay $1435 which included repossession fees, storage fees and the back payments. I did everything I could to get up that money including the infamous pay day loans.

Those payday loans are like crawling in bed with a snake. But it didn’t matter. If I lost my son’s car, it would have been like losing him all over again. It would have been like he’s not coming home. I am keeping his car because I know that he will ride in it soon. I know he will.

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